This morning, I read an email that raised my blood pressure. It was from a person who fairly regularly provokes this response, and I decided I had enough of that. I told my husband about the email, and I added that I thought it was time I wrote that person a letter, not attacking, but letting that person know just how I felt.
Hubby impassively continued eating his breakfast. "I wouldn't do that," he said. Then, he added, "Think about what you are trying to achieve." I considered this as he went on to say perhaps I was misinterpreting the other person's intentions (unlikely given the history, but possible given my distrust based on the history), perhaps I didn't know the situation on that person's end (true BUT!), he knew that I got tired of being the bigger person in this situation (I am SO TIRED of being the bigger person!)...
But as soon as I had that thought, I realized that not being the bigger person made me the smaller person by default. That's not the alternative I had in mind. What did I think my letter would achieve? Nothing. Absolutely zero. Possibly worse than zero. It wouldn't make me feel any better, and it could give the other person fuel for more bad behavior. On the (off) chance that I had misinterpreted that person's intentions or situation, my letter would serve to create a big wedge where there hadn't been one. Any of these outcomes would only make me more unhappy, not less. At the end of it, the only desirable solution for me is to simply let it go, and let it go completely.
The only question I have left is: how did my husband get so wise?